When You Walk Away: The Urge To Run!

Hey guys! Ever felt that overwhelming urge to bolt when someone you care about starts to distance themselves? That feeling, that instinct to run away the moment they walk away, is something a lot of us can relate to. It's like your internal alarm system is screaming, "Danger! Danger! Get out while you still can!" But why do we do this? What's going on in our brains and hearts that makes us want to flee instead of fight for the relationship? Let's dive into the psychology behind this, explore some common scenarios, and figure out how to handle it like the champions we are!

The Psychology of Fleeing: Why We Run

Okay, so why the urge to run? Well, it's a complex mix of things, but here are some of the big players. First up, we've got fear. Fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of the unknown. When someone starts to pull away, it can trigger these deep-seated fears, and our brains, in an attempt to protect us, tell us to get out. It's a primal instinct, a survival mechanism. Our minds are wired to avoid pain, and the potential pain of losing someone can be so intense that our first response is often to escape. This is a common phenomenon in relationships. Also, we can see it as the relationship is not going so well, so people tend to choose the path of running away.

Then there's past experiences. If you've been hurt before, if you've been abandoned or betrayed, your brain might be extra sensitive to the signs of someone walking away. It's like, "Been there, done that, don't want to go through it again!" You might find yourself interpreting neutral behavior as a sign of impending doom, leading you to want to run before you get hurt. These past experiences are like emotional scars that make us more reactive in current relationships. The more painful the past, the more likely you are to want to run. This all depends on the person. If you are a person that loves easily, then you won't care if a person is walking away. But if you have been hurt before you might react and want to run.

Also, it is important to notice the self-esteem factor. If you have low self-esteem, you might believe that you're not worthy of love or that you're somehow fundamentally flawed. When someone starts to distance themselves, it can confirm these negative beliefs, making you feel like you're not good enough, and leading you to want to run before you're inevitably rejected. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, you see. You think you're going to get hurt, so you run, and then the relationship ends, which reinforces your belief that you're not worthy. This often becomes a repeating problem. The cycle continues unless you break free from it. This also happens with people who have low self-esteem.

Finally, there's the role of attachment styles. Your attachment style, formed in childhood, shapes how you relate to others. If you have an anxious attachment style, you might crave closeness and fear abandonment, leading you to panic when someone starts to pull away. If you have an avoidant attachment style, you might be uncomfortable with intimacy and want to run at the first sign of emotional vulnerability. Understanding your attachment style can provide incredible insights into your reactions.

Common Scenarios Where the Urge to Flee Kicks In

Let's get real. The urge to run doesn't just pop up randomly. It usually happens in specific situations. Here are a few common scenarios where you might find yourself wanting to make a dash for the exit:

• Early Stages of Dating: You're getting to know someone, things are going well, but then they start to text less, or their responses become shorter. You might start to feel insecure and get the urge to run before they can reject you. It's that classic fear of rejection rearing its ugly head. The early stages of dating can be so exciting, but also so vulnerable. You're putting yourself out there, and the thought of getting hurt can be overwhelming. Some people tend to run instead of facing the pain.
• Relationship Problems: When things get tough in a relationship, like when there's conflict, a lack of communication, or a significant change in the other person's behavior, the urge to run can be strong. You might feel overwhelmed, like you can't cope with the situation, and the easiest option seems to be to bail. This is also a common thing, since people don't like to face hard problems. So running away can be the easiest choice.
• One-Sided Effort: If you feel like you're the only one putting in effort, constantly initiating contact, planning dates, and making compromises, you might start to feel resentful and the urge to run can be triggered by this feeling of imbalance. It's exhausting to feel like you're carrying the weight of the relationship. Some people won't even think twice, they just run. It's not a healthy response, but it's understandable. It is better to talk to the other person and solve the problem.
• Significant Life Changes: When one partner experiences a major life change, like a job loss, a health crisis, or a move, the other partner might pull back, either consciously or unconsciously. This can make you feel like you're being left behind, triggering the urge to run before the situation becomes unbearable. This is also a difficult problem to deal with. If you are in a relationship, the best thing to do is stay with that person and support them.

How to Deal With the Urge to Run: Practical Strategies

Okay, so you're feeling the urge to run. What do you do? Here are some strategies to help you navigate those tricky moments:

• Acknowledge and Validate Your Feelings: The first step is to acknowledge that you're feeling the urge to run and to validate those feelings. Don't beat yourself up for having them. It's okay to feel scared, anxious, or overwhelmed. Telling yourself, "It's okay to feel this way," can be incredibly helpful.
• Identify the Triggers: What exactly is making you want to run? Is it a specific behavior, a particular phrase, or a certain situation? Once you know your triggers, you can start to anticipate them and develop coping mechanisms. When you can understand your triggers, you can react accordingly.
• Challenge Your Negative Thoughts: Are you catastrophizing? Are you assuming the worst? Ask yourself if your thoughts are based on facts or just on your fears. Challenge those negative thoughts and try to reframe them in a more realistic and balanced way. For example, instead of thinking, "They're pulling away, they're going to leave me," try thinking, "They might be busy, or they might need some space. I can talk to them about it."
• Communicate Openly and Honestly: Instead of running, try talking to your partner about your feelings. Use "I" statements to express yourself without blaming them. For example, instead of saying, "You're ignoring me," try saying, "I feel like I haven't heard from you much lately, and I'm feeling a little insecure." This creates a healthy environment to talk to your partner. And solve your problems.
• Set Boundaries: If your partner's behavior is consistently making you feel anxious or unsupported, it's okay to set boundaries. Let them know what you need from the relationship and what you're not willing to tolerate. Setting boundaries is not only for the other person's behavior, but it's also important for your health.
• Practice Self-Care: Taking care of yourself is crucial, especially when you're feeling vulnerable. Engage in activities that make you feel good, like exercising, spending time with friends, pursuing hobbies, or practicing mindfulness. When you're feeling good, you're better equipped to handle difficult situations.
• Seek Professional Help: If the urge to run is persistent and impacting your relationships, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor. They can help you understand the underlying causes of your anxiety and develop healthy coping mechanisms. This is often the best solution, since professionals will give you the right tools. It is also important that you are comfortable with your therapist or counselor.

The Takeaway: Staying Put and Standing Strong

So, the next time you feel the urge to run, remember that it's okay to feel that way. It's a natural response to fear and uncertainty. But instead of running, try staying put, acknowledging your feelings, and using the strategies we've discussed. It's not always easy, but facing your fears and working through your emotions can lead to stronger, more fulfilling relationships. You've got this! Now go out there and be awesome, even when you feel like running! Remember, the best thing you can do is to talk to your partner and solve your problems.

And most importantly, try to be patient with yourself and your partner. Relationships take work, and there will be times when you want to run. But by facing those moments head-on, you can build a more resilient and loving bond. You have to understand that your partner is also a human. And he/she will also have problems. Try to be patient with them too!